Do you ever wonder why it's so hard sometimes to see God's hand in your life in the moment, every day? I mean like He's really there right next to you in everything you do, every decision you make? I think most of us have had those moments in life where we have come face to face with the breathtaking beauty of nature, and could not escape the conclusion that God is real, present and revealed through His marvelous creation. Or perhaps you've had a dramatic life moment like the birth of a child, that has caused you to be in awe of God, and you become very aware of His presence in that moment. But what about in our every day reality, and the life decisions we have to make? What does God look like then?
I never considered myself the brightest bulb on the tree; especially where discovering God's will for my life is concerned. Those who know me have doubtless heard me say on a few occasions that God has to hit me over the head with a
2X4 (a large piece of wood used for - of all things...CONSTRUCTION) - to get my attention! So as I consider the blogging question for today, I have to smile to myself and thank God for this opportunity to look back and reflect on a time I was reminded that God is real, present and in control of my life.
Of course there have been a few times I have been reminded of this, but the biggest one was my calling about 4 years ago now, into full-time ministry. I think I must have fought with God every step of the way on this, until (surprise of all surprises....) He got his way! My dad is now retired and had a very successful law practice. In our house, my brothers and I were taught the value of a great education and of course, pursuit of corporate success that for any reasonable young man, should follow, right? So I spent over 11 years in the private sector working my way up the corporate ladder as best I could, and striving for all of the worldly goods that I thought would be sure sign of that success. That is until our small group started the Purpose-Driven Life study. Now, of course there's nothing whatsoever wrong with a successful business career, as long as God has placed you there and you're fulfilling your purpose in the process. However, God began showing me that He had gifted me for a different purpose, and that began the slow and painful process of changing my definition of "success", and trusting in God alone for my security and well-being. I had a unique opportunity to literally put my money where my mouth was, where matters of faith were concerned.
During that time, God was present in every way I could have imagined...He spoke to me through the Spirit (that still small voice), through other people, through the Word and even through the radio! Evey where I turned I had confirmations that I should be making the switch to ministry! Everything from Bible verses reminding me God has plans to prosper and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11), and that God works all things for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)to radio songs about surrendering my life completely to God.
Ben reminded me today that when you're looking to buy a new car, it seems like that's all you see on the road. Ever experienced that? I have. It was kind of like that, but it was a car I did NOT want...but that I kept seeing! It was more like
Adam Sandler in a recent movie called Bedtime Stories, where the kids told him how his stories would end, and then it came true in real life. One night they told him his story's hero would have a fire ball thrown at him. After that, try though he did, he could not escape it, Every radio station he tried had a song about fire! This was kind of what it was like for me. I knew in my heart where God wanted me but I wasn't thrilled at the prospects!
So in one last act of desperation, as if to shake my fist at God and test Him, I said, "Okay God, I have no previous experience on staff at a church, very little if any formal musical training...there's no way this is going to happen anyway. So I dare you God...if this is what you want then fine...I'll apply. But I know I won't get the job and then everything will go back to normal". Well, look where that got me! And the rest, as they say, is history!
During that time in my life, I kept a journal of all the confirmations I sensed God throwing my way..you know...just so I could be SURE...and convinced this was from God. :-) When I look back at that little journal, it's almost comical the steps God had to use to get my attention! It's also incredibly encouraging to look back and realize God was there in it, and really DID have my best interests at heart, then AND now. I've never been happier in my life, and to top it all off, Lese and I have never lacked for anything...God has met all of our needs and even most of our wants! It's as if God is saying, "See, I can do it!"
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You have an interesting story as to God leading you into full-time ministry. True or not, however, the overriding perception seems to be that you’re trusting God based not only on the “feelings” you’ve experienced but also on the “outcome”. Ultimately, you “felt” that going into full-time ministry was the right thing to do and the outcome of that decision being that you’ve never been happier and aren’t lacking for anything has validated that decision. Who am I to say that you’re not right, and that God did indeed lead you to this church and into this position? Still, it seems troubling that Christian cultists, i.e. LDS & JW, or non-Christians for that matter, could use the same logic and draw the same conclusions based on their similar experiences. On that point, I don’t doubt that Mormons (or anyone else) have used similar methods or experiences to determine God’s will in their lives - which (for me) begs the questions, does God lead non-believers in the same way as you believe He has led you?
ReplyDeleteAnd too, an Christians today lay claim to God prospering them today based on Jer 29:11? Wasn’t that a promise give to those that Nebuchadnezzar had exiled from Jerusalem to Babylon? Wasn't there a seventy year period of time from when the promise was given and its eventual fulfillment? In addition, your reference of Rom 8:28 doesn’t seem to support your contention that God “willed” you into full-time ministry. I suspect that had you completely failed in this endeavor, Woodcrest would have put out a new “help wanted ad”. Thus, whoever was eventually hired would have nicely supported the contention that “all things work together for good.” I can hear the conversation – “Yeah, too bad the first guy didn’t work out but we’ve got the Lord's perfect person in the job now and He’s worked all things for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose. By the way, whatever happened to that first guy?”
Hello Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWow, those are some deep thoughts! I'm sorry for any ambiguity. :-) I see two separate issues here when I look back and see God's hand in my life; both were equally mind-blowing and joyful to me; one related to His promise of provision, and the other related to the call into ministry as a vocation.
While I certainly had financial fears about going into ministry, that does not at all mean to me that God's financial provision since then is proof that taking this job (or any job) was God's will. Rather, during my calling to ministry, I was forced to confront the issue of whether or not I really believed I could trust God for my financial provision. I was stepping onto new spiritual turf with that one, because of my upbringing and the resulting philosophies I carried with me about self-reliance and even definitions for success for that matter. I placed my trust in God and gave up my illusions of control, and still we have lacked for nothing. This is proof of God's faithfulness and provision, and that we can trust him; not proof that working at Woodcrest or even in ministry was God’s Will. Indeed, through prayer, scriptures, listening to the Holy Spirit and through council from trusted Christian friends (and through all those 2X4 events God used that I had journaled about), I was pretty sure of God’s will before I took the leap. The "last act of desperation" I mentioned in my blog entry was more about my own insecurities, and hoping that if it wasn't what God wanted, He would close that door. I guess you could say I knew I was called but was afraid and reluctant to take what I felt was such a big risk with my life.
The references to Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 were of course written in different cultures and different audiences and stuations, but I beleive the sames words of God are relevant to us today too, and that these scriptiures are promises that God will provide for His people; that He has plans for good and will work all things for good. Those were scriptures God called to mind as I was considering whether or not I could really trust Him and step into the relative unknown I was facing. They gave me great comfort that although I didn’t' know the how or the when, that everything would work out if I would continue to seek God in all things...whether at Woodcrest or not; whether in ministry or not. While fortunately it didn’t take 70 years to see God would provide for me, there are of course other unknowns in my life and everyone’s that perhaps we won’t even be able to see how God was in it this side of eternity. To me those scriptures are not guarantees that we will see the results with our own eyes, or that the “plans for good” are even how we would define goodness in terms of our own desired outcomes. Rather, they are a call to trust God, in all things, without necessarily knowing what His plan will look like. For me, it took a transition like this into the unknowns of ministry, for to grapple with these scriptures in ways that I had not before...at least not with my whole heart. The result of learning to trust God in this way is that we have had our faith encouraged and we never been happier. :-)
Anyway, I hope all this rambling makes sense. I'm not always the most eloquent guy...